FORMATTING YOUR SCREENPLAY

Hello, screenwriters. The most fundamental thing you need to master when becoming a screenwriter is formatting.  It doesn’t take a genius to understand the basics of this unique way of writing but it is crucial if you ever want to sell your screenplays.

This is how I can figure out in the space of a about two minutes whether I’m in the hands of a professional screenwriter or not.  I look at the formatting. Is the screenwriter making basic errors in writing slug lines (INT. THE FOREST – NIGHT) for example, or using camera directions like CUT TO: after every scene or in the way he or she constructs FLASHBACKS.

But even more pertinent to the discussion of formatting isn’t these particulars necessarily but how the screenwriter lays out the page.

What do I mean by that?  How easy is the screenplay to read. Is the narrative (the description) written horizontally – like way most beginners format their narrative – or is written vertically?
When you write your narrative horizontally you have big thick paragraphs that are hard to read.  When you write vertically it looks more like a poem and it’s easy on the eyes to read.  How do you accomplish this?
Let’s look at the first page of first page of NIGHTCRAWLER by Dan Gilroy, one of the best screenplays of the last year.

INFINITY OF STARS
over barren ground . . . if not for a billboard reading:

LOSE WEIGHT WITH THE LAPBAND 1-800-GET-THIN
it could be the moon. . . we zoom over a a rim to show

LOS ANGELES
shimmering in night heat . . . THRUM of civilization . . . a freeway feeds into the city as a Semi blasts by.

A COYOTE
loping across a residential street in the hills . . . it stops under a street lamp . . . darting away and then we see

THE L.A. RIVER
flowing darkly before us . . . we rise above a flood channel to a fenced industrial area where

LOUIS “LOU” BLOOM
is a silhouette against the city glow . . . using bolt cutters to rip down a square of chain-link fence . . .

Lou’s mid-20’s . . . pure primal id . . . if there’s music it’s in his head. . . it’s disconnected . . . feral . . . driven by dollars signs and a dream of some imagined Eden.

Do you see how this is incredibly easy to read? There are no thick paragraphs. The narrative is written vertically, not horizontally. The writing is very succinct (like a poem) but is charged with energy.
This is what formatting is really about. It’s about how you lay out the page so a reader can move through it effortlessly.

Learn more about every aspect of correct formatting by joining my webinar on July 2nd at 1:00.  If you can’t watch it live, the webinar is archived for a year so you watch it anytime at your leisure.   http://www.writersstore.com/how-to-format-your-screenplay-like-a-pro/

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Hello, screenwriters. I asked you guys last week who could find the formatting errors on the first page of this screenplay.  Here is the page once again:

FADE IN:
“GIANT DIPPER” ROLLER COASTER – SANTA CRUZ BOARDWALK – SUMMER DAY

Riding in the 90-year-old Five Star wooden type COASTER, pitched nearly straight up, tracks stretching to the vanishing point.

The rhythmic CLANKING of wheels underneath the carriage adding to the tension – waiting to reach the summit, finally approaching the top of the lift hill.

A pause, and the track disappears, leaving a brief moment of suspense as serene blue sky is replaced by a booming PLUNGE SCREAMS!!

INTERCUT WITH:

A joyfully screaming family clamped in the dreaded last row: ROBERT (BOB) CAMERON, 30’s, urges the teenaged SON and venturesome MOTHER to throw their hands straight up CUT TO:

ROLLER COASTER EXIT – LATER

RIDERS disembark, variously exhilirated, eager to go on again. Cameron and the “family” smile at each other as they exit.

SON

Mom, we’ve got to get dad to ride with us next time.

Cameron turns and walks away from them.

CAMERON (mumbling to himself) Negative G Force not too insane. Float time could have been better. More in your face.

PHOTO BOOTH

This is screenplay is actually written by a professional screenwriter who should know better.  There are actually 5 mistakes just on this first page.
1) The SLUG LINE:“GIANT DIPPER” ROLLER COASTER – SANTA CRUZ BOARDWALK – SUMMER DAYshould be on one line, not two.  This looks sloppy and it shouldn’t start with  this — (“)
2) There is a misspelling (exhilirated).
3) This is a very awkward line of narrative:  A pause, and the track disappears, leaving a brief moment of suspense as serene blue sky is replaced by a booming PLUNGE SCREAMS!!
4) The screenwriter uses the term:  INTERCUT.  This is not an Intercut. You only use this term when you’re cutting inbetween two people or places in very different locations and it’s up to the director to choose when to focus on one person or place and the other.
5) The page ends with a SLUG LINE:  PHOTO BOOTH
You never leave a slug line or character name dangling at the bottom of the page.  You move it over to the top of the next page.

So we all see how egregious it is to know screenplay formatting.  This is how I know from reading one page if the writer is a professional or not.

To really get the nuts and bolts of how to format your screenplay correctly and avoid these common errors, join my webinar on July 2nd at 1:00 pm. You can watch the webinar live or see it anytime as it’s archived for a year. http://www.writersstore.com/how-to-format-your-screenplay-like-a-pro/

Until then — KEEP WRITING!

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Hello, everyone. As you know my mission statement is provide information you wouldn’t normally hear in your typical screenwriting course, screenwriting class or screenwriting workshop.  This certainly fits that bill.

We’re going to take a little break from talking about writing great scenes to address an area I regularly see being overlooked in the private screenwriting workshops I teach and in doing private consultations with writers.

William Goldman, one of our greatest living screenwriters, tried to explain once what made a great screenplay. He said in his book (Adventures In The Screen Trade) it was great moments on film. He surmised that if a screenplay had 6-7 great moments, it was destined to be a successful film.

You could take the moment in “Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid” when they’re being chased by the gang of lawmen and are standing over the bluff, looking down at the rapids. Sundance is afraid because he can’t swim and Butch laughs at him, (I’m paraphrasing here) says that’s crazy, the fall alone is going to kill them and then they jump.

That’s a great moment in the film. So according to Goldman, if you have 5 or 6 of these moments, you’ve got a great screenplay.

Here’s another one from another great William Goldman screenplay: “Marathon Man,” based on his novel. Zell, the Nazi war criminal has come to New York City to retrieve his diamonds. He has to go to the Diamond district, which is mostly populated by Jews.

A Jewish woman who was persecuted by Zell in the concentration camps spots him. She’s horrified. It’s her tormentor. She points and screams: “It’s Zell! It’s him! That’s Zell!” Everyone looks around as Zell walks faster and tries to get away.

After awhile the whole district is straining to see what is happening and Zell barely makes his escape. It’s clearly his worst nightmare, being identified by the very group he tried to kill in the concentration camps. If you’ve seen this scene, I can assure you you’ll never forget it.

So, that’s what we’re truly after – great moments like this.

If we’re lucky to have a great moment, we should milk it for all it’s worth. Don’t just brush past it, take the moment and take advantage of every nuance in the scene you can possibly exploit. That’s what I mean by milking it. Exploit it. Allow the audience to truly experience it in its fullest.

In contrast to this, don’t spend an inordinate amount of time on scenes or moments that aren’t that interesting. Shorten these moments, find ways to do scenes without dialogue at all if you can get away with it. If the dialogue is boring or we’ve already heard this information, let’s not hear it again. Don’t give me a 2-3 page scene that’s basically uninteresting.

A 2-3 page scene is normally a long scene in a screenplay. It should be saved for those scenes that really pop. The worst thing you can do to your audience is bore them. That should be a golden rule: Please don’t bore your audience!” Therefore, spend time on all the good stuff, skip over the boring stuff.

That does necessitate your knowing what is exciting in your screenplay (which you’ll milk) and that which isn’t so exciting (stuff like giving exposition). Don’t fall in love with everything you write. Have the objectivity to know what is really great and what isn’t. Find visual shorthand ways of doing the boring stuff – or better yet – cut it out altogether – if you can get away with it.

So that’s what we’re going for — 5 or 6 great moments in your screenplay. I know this is really simplifying the screenwriting process, but if we believe William Goldman, it really is as simple as that.

Next week we’ll return to writing great scenes.

Until then – KEEP WRITING!

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Hello, everyone. As you know the guiding principle of these posts is to provide information you wouldn’t normally hear in your typical screenwriting class, screenwriting workshop or screenwriting course. This post certainly fits that bill.

I just read a quote recently from Edmund Burke, the great statesman, which got me thinking about screenwriting.

This is what Burke said: “We must obey the great law of change. It is the most powerful law of nature.”

It reminded me of Darwin and what he discovered about survival. That it wasn’t the most powerful species that survived (like the dinosaurs) or those that were most intelligent, but those which could adapt.

This dynamic element of survival relates most directly to us as storytellers. What makes a great story? Is it great dialogue? Yes, that helps of course. Or is writing great narrative? Of course, we want that, too. Or do we think most often of great storytelling when we remember those fictional characters that truly moved us emotionally?

For me, that is really the heart of what makes great movies and novels and plays.

And what makes a great character?  One that truly grabs us where we live. Why do we bond with that character on a visceral level? Because they are facing something that truly challenges them as individuals. They become heroic because they are willing to face those demons and as result of that struggle they change.

This is also what we call the character arc. It is at the very heart of what makes a story work. We can never overlook that in writing screenplays or novels or stage plays. The heart of the human condition is whether we can change when faced with adversity. And that ability to show that change realistically is what makes for great screenwriting.

So when you devise your outline it is not just about creating a plot – and that doesn’t mean we don’t want a good plot. But even more importantly we want a character who goes from one extreme to another – from cowardice to bravery, from trust to betrayal or from hate to love. That is the heart of what we’re trying to accomplish.

Study the great screenplays, observe how people change, see how you’ve done it yourself and most importantly, create characters who are forced to change, step by agonizing step.

Until then – KEEP WRITING!

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Hello, everyone. As you all know, my only purpose in this blog is to provide information you wouldn’t normally get in your typical screenwriting class, screenwriting course or screenwriting workshop. I hope I’ve acclmplished that purpose with these posts.

For now, let’s look at one of my favorite movies – (500) DAYS OF SUMMER, written by Scott Neustadter & Michael H. Weber.

This movie defies an easy description of genre: it is not a romantic comedy, it is not really a comedy, it’s not truly a love story. It is a little of all these. And it’s told in a very unique structure – it hops around from the end to the beginning to the middle. But it has a central premise that I think many, many of us can relate to: If I love her/him so much, why doesn’t she/he love me, too? Ever been there?

INT. ELEVATOR – LATER
Tom is listening to headphones. Summer enters the elevator
and Tom actively puts on a show to ignore her. Summer hears the music.

SUMMER
The Smiths.

Tom, pretending not to hear or care, gives her an
unenthusiastic wave.

SUMMER
I love The Smiths.

Tom, still pretending, takes off his headphones.

TOM
Sorry?

SUMMER
I said. I love The Smiths. You have
good taste in music.

A beat as Tom processes this information.

TOM
(amazed)
You like the Smiths?

SUMMER
(singing)
“To die by your side is such a
heavenly way to die.” Love it.

The elevator doors open and she gets off.

TOM
(accidentally out loud)
Oh my god.

INT OFFICE LOBBY – DAY

The office sings “Happy Birthday” to a FEMALE CO-WORKER. When
they get to the part about her name, Tom is the only one who
knows it, everyone else just there for the cake. Song over,
everyone digs in. Tom finds himself standing next to Summer.

TOM
Hi.

SUMMER
Hello.

TOM
So, uh, Summer…

SUMMER
Tom.

TOM
Yeah! How’s it going so far?

SUMMER
The city or the firm?

TOM
Both… Either.

SUMMER
I’m happy. Still getting situated.
How long have you worked here?

TOM
Oh, you know, 4, 5… years.

SUMMER
Really? Jesus. Did you always want
to write greeting cards?

TOM
Are you nuts? I don’t even want to
do it now.

SUMMER
What is it you want to do?

TOM
I studied to be an architect actually.

SUMMER
That’s so cool! What happened?

TOM
Eh, you know. Same old story. Moved
to the city to work for a company.
Company went under. Needed a job.
My friend worked here. Got me this.

SUMMER
And are you any good?

TOM
(points to a framed card)
Well I wrote that one.

SUMMER
(reading)
“Today You’re a Man. Mazel Tov on your Bar Mitzvah.”

TOM
It’s a big seller.

SUMMER
I meant, are you any good as an architect?

TOM
Oh… No. I doubt it.

SUMMER
Well, I’d say you’re a perfectly
…adequate… greeting card writer.

TOM
Why thank you. That’s what they
called me in college. “Perfectly
adequate” Hansen.

SUMMER
They used to call me “Anal Girl.”

Tom does a spit-take and almost chokes.

SUMMER
(explaining)
I was very neat and organized.

There’s an awkward silence.

SUMMER
Anyway, I should get back.

TOM
Ok, well, I’ll see you around.

She walks back to her cubicle at the other end of the hall.

Tom watches her walk away, completely enamored.

This is of course the stuff of romantic comedies, the cute meet, the thing they both have in common (as why really do people find themselves insanely attracted to someone out of the clear blue?) – movies give you answer – there’s something in common between the two people – at least that is something we can hang onto. I think it’s probably more intangible than that but we need an objective thing like this to communicate that bonding to our audience. We also have smart witty dialogue – Summer is sharp as a tack, Tom is a sweet intelligent kid who has met his match in spades. Actually, he’s way over his head with Summer.

And finally, through two scenes really the connection is made, Tom is hooked. She likes the Smiths, she goes right for the jugular with her questions, and she has a wry, hip sense of humor.

Notice how many unexpected lines and surprises we get in this last scene – she doesn’t try to placate Tom about his writing, she says he is just adequate, but she does recognize what he really does want and somehow goes straight to his heart with that.

And, we get that button at the end of the scene that I keep talking about. We don’t want our scenes to just wander off at the end. We end to end with a great line, a great piece of action, something totally unexpected. We get that with “Anal girl.” Tom just about spits out his coffee. That was totally unexpected for both Tom and for us.

We’ve got to keep our audience on their toes. We need to keep doing the unexpected with our writing. Otherwise, we will lull the audience to sleep.

We’ll continue on with other scenes which exemplify this point.

Until then – KEEP WRITING!

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Hello, everyone. As you well know, my mission is to offer information that you wouldn’t normally hear in your typical screenwriting class, screenwriting course, or screenwriting workshop.

Well, it’s come that time that I need to reprimand most of you – for very few members of this group are really doing their job. My job is to share with you all of the knowledge I’ve accumulated in lo these many years and offer as many examples of great screenwriting as I can. I do this willingly and with joy, but it is not without asking something in return.

So if this is something that benefits you and you are like me, in that you live and breathe screenwriting (for there is no other avenue to actually achieve success in this endeavor), then you need to do your part as participants and be a part of the process.

Let’s hear your response to examples of great writing, what you liked and what you didn’t, what movies you’re going to see and your reaction to them, what you’re learning on the path to becoming great writers. Otherwise, I will eventually get weary of hearing no response and will spend this part of my week-ends in other ways. Get it? So, let’s hear from you!

That said, here is an amazing scene from ‘Precious,’ by Geoffrey Fletcher. Adapted from the novel “PUSH,” by Sapphire.

INT. CLASSROOM – DAY 3

Precious sits in the last row behind 26 children half hersize, 3 years younger and mostly African American. Noise andprojectiles fill the air.

MR. WICHER – A FRAIL MAN IN A BOW TIE AND TWEED COAT, stands at the head of the class trying to establish order.

MR. WICHER

Class, would you please turn to page 122 …Class! 122!

Precious’ book stays closed as the other students find the page.

TWO BOYS in front of Precious giggle boisterously at some private joke.

Mr. Wicher looks annoyed but accustomed to this.

PRECIOUS (V.O.)

I like maff but I don’t say nuffin’- don’t open my book even. Just sit there.

The giggling boys continue their shenanigans.

MR. WICHER

Boys?

The boys finally open their books.

MR. WICHER

Page 122 please.

PRECIOUS (V.O.)

Everyday I tell myself something gonna happen, like I’m gonna breakthrough or somebody gonna breakthrough to me -I’m gonna learn,catch up, be normal, sit in the front … someday.

The giggling flares up again. Precious sneers at the boys.

MR. WICHER

Today we are going to review Monday’s assignment. Would anyone like to begin?

The boys get louder.

Mr. Wicher looks at them helplessly.

MR. WICHER

Boys! ! !

PRECIOUS (V.O.)

I like Mr. Wicher. I pretend he my husband and we live in Weschesser, whereever that is. I can see by his eyes Mr. Wicher like me too. I wish I could tell him all the pages inmy book look the same to me, but I can’t..

BOY# 1

Excuse you?!

The entire class cries, “OOOOOH”.

Mr. Wicher looks scared.

BOY # 1

Nobody ‘spect us to learn nuffin noway. Now I’m tryin’ to have a motherfuckin’ conversation back here if you don’t mind Mr. Bitcher, I mean, Mr. Wicher.

The boys fallout slapping hands.

The class turns to Mr. Wicher in unison to see what he will do.

MR. WICHER

I want to see you boys after class.

BOY# 2

Sorry Mr. Wicher but you ain’t mytype. Grow some tits.

MR. WICHER

Just be quiet.

Mr. Wicher tries to carry on throughout the boys’ unrelenting defiance. Other students are continually distracted by the boys. Precious looks bothered the most as Mr. Wicher’s softvoice loses the battle.

PRECIOUS (V.O.)

I feels sorry for Mr. Wicher. He do his best but he ain’t got no voice.He scared too. I feels sorry for him.

The boys break out in RIOTOUS LAUGHTER until …

CRASH! A desk slams against the floor. The boys whirl around to see two large hands take hold of them and snatch them out of their chairs. Precious has had enough.

PRECIOUS

Shut up motherfuckers, I’m trying to learn something! Hard enuff wiffout you stupid clowns carryin’ on!

BOY# 1(trembling)

…sorry Precious.

BOY# 2(trembling)

We cool.
Precious shoves them down in their seats and huffs.

PRECIOUS

Stupid asses… Go on ’bout cha lesson Mr. Wicher. They ain’ gonna give you no more trouble today.

Precious turns her desk upright and sits back down. Mr.Wicher looks grateful.

PRECIOUS (V.O.)

I’m like the polices for Mr.Wicher. Tha’s why I can’t be late to maff.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. Someone is outside the classroom.Mr. Wicher waves her inside.

MRS. LICHENSTEIN, A SKINNY WOMAN IN HER THIRTIES WEARING A DARK SKIRT SUIT enters, squints to find Precious, points briefly and then whispers something to Mr. Wicher. Precious rolls her eyes.

PRECIOUS (V.O.)

Now dis …Mrs. Lichenstein sends Precious an oversized grin and beckons to her.

MRS. LICHENSTEIN

Claireece …

Precious sighs.

PRECIOUS (V.O.)

What this bitch want? Claireece …Only motherfuckers I hate call me Claireece.

Precious gathers her belongings. The other children watch every move in silence. When she reaches the front of the class …

PRECIOUS

You gonna be okay Mr. Wicher?

MR. WICHER(forcing a smile)

Of course Precious. Thank you.

An unconvinced Precious grins sadly as Mrs. Lichenstein motions for Precious to step out ahead of her.

Mr. Wicher looks abandoned. The door closing behind Preciousmight as well be to a prison cell block. Noise inside the classroom returns immediately.

So here we have surprises galore. Precious, the big fat girl who sits at the back of the class, saying nothing, has the soul of an angel, a poet really, trapped in her oversize body and her poverty stricken life.

She constantly amazes us in some way or the other, speaking up for Mr. Wicher or never giving up or capitulating no matter how horrible her life is.

Rules are constantly broken in this script, the first being not to use Voice Over and yet this entire film only works because of the amazing Voice Over that gives us a glimpses into the huge and heart and soul of Precious.
This kind of writing motivates me to no end. I hope it does for you, too. Let’s all strive for greatness. Well have more wonderful scenes in the weeks to come.

Until then – KEEP WRITING!

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Hello, screenwriters. As you are all aware, my purpose in this blog is to provide detailed information you wouldn’t normally hear in your typical screenwriting course, screenwriting workshop or screenwriting class.  This certainly fits that bill.

So here is our last part of the flashback sequence where Salt hears what Zykov has to reveal about the secret Soviet conspiracy to infiltrate sleeper spies into the U.S. As you recall, he is supposedly a defector, who actually ran the Russian program. He has already recounted how the child Chenkov was stolen from his parents and raised to be one of these spies.

INT. RUSSIAN DORMITORY – NIGHT

Eight little beds in a stark, bereft row. Quiet except for
the MUFFLED CRYING of one the children: SCNAIDER, who is in
bed seven across from Chenkov in bed eight.

Chenkov watching Shnaider cry his pale blue eyes out. As he
looks to Chenkov for sympathy…

ZYKOV (V.O.)
Taught to seek the comfort that is
only found within.

Chenkov turns away, would rather stare into the darkness. As
Shnaider continues to cry…

ZYKOV (V.O.) (CONT’D)
But most of all, Chenkov was instilled with an
unquestioning loyalty to the state.

INT. RUSSIAN DORMITORY – MORNING

One after the next, the children step forward to KISS ZYKOV’S
RING. Chenkov is last. Chenkov turns the child’s face from
side-to-side, deciding something.

INT. PRE-OP – RUSSIAN HOSPITAL – DAY

Stoic Chenkov prepped for surgery – cut lines being drawn
across the face with a marker by a SURGEON.

ZYKOV (V.O.)
And finally given a new identity, a
face surgically altered to resemble
that of a visiting American teenager.

Chenkov being wheeled through a set of doors into a SOVIET
OPERATING ROOM. With finality, the doors swing shut.

ZYKOV (CONT’D)
Young Chenkov then left Russia. The
American teenager did not.

RETURN TO:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY

Where Salt waits for more as Zykov lights another butt.

SALT
Are you saying this Chenkov is here
in the United States?

Zykov nods. Salt turns her head, looks into the cold
reflection of the two-way glass.

INT. OBSERVATION ROOM – DAY

WINTER looks to Techie Two monitoring Zykov’s NEURAL SCAN.

TECHIE TWO
So far the fMRI scan registers
truthful on everything he’s said.

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY

Zykov grinds his cigarette out in the ashtray.

ZYKOV
Chenkov is designee KA-8.

SALT
Try again. The KA program was Cold
War propaganda. A myth.

ZYKOV
Until today. Because today is the
day Chenkov will be tasked. The long
awaited mission is here.
(grim; eyes on her)
Today Chenkov will travel to New York
City to kill Russian President Boris
Maelev at the funeral of Vice
President Oates.

OBSERVATION ROOM
Winter reacts. Bottoms reads off his computer screen.

BOTTOMS
KA. A Cold War program to insert
sleeper agents into American society.
The program was theorized as active
in the 1980’s. However, no evidence
of its existence has ever been found.

INTERROGATION ROOM

Salt looks at him. Her eyes dip darkly.

SALT
A Russian agent is going to kill the
Russian president? Is that it?

Zykov nods solemnly.

SALT (CONT’D)
And now what do you want in return,
Mr. Zykov? Money? Chemotherapy?
Health care’s pretty shitty back
home, huh?

ZYKOV
I simply wish to help you do what you need to do.
(a beat)
Don’t you want the name? The alias
that this Chenkov lives under?

Salt smiles, begins softly clapping.

SALT
You’re very good. And I’ve seen the
best. KA-8. Brilliant bullshit.
(checks her watch)
But I’m off duty. You can tell the
rest of it to one of my colleagues.

Salt stands, heads for the door.

ZYKOV
Salt.

Salt stops and turns.

SALT
What?

ZYKOV
The name. The name of the Soviet
agent is Salt. Evelyn Salt.

Time stands still. And then…

SALT
My name is Evelyn Salt.

ZYKOV
Then you, my dear, are a Russian spy.

I think most of us will agree this is a wonderful sequence, with lots of suspense and great writing but makes what most screen pundits would tell you is something you should never do, begin a story with a long flashback. My take on any supposed rule is that you can do absolutely anything you want, unhampered by rules, as long as what you do works.

That is the deciding factor. Does it work? If it’s works, fine, do it. If not, don’t. Rules are created by those who don’t really understand what makes a film work and thus fall back on iron clad rules that help them think. If we all followed rules we would never have had impressionism or any breakthrough in any art form. We certainly would not have had (500) Days of Summer as that broke rules left and right.

We will continue to discuss these issues in the future.

Until then – KEEP WRITING!

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Writing Action Scenes:

“A professional is someone who can do his best work when he doesn’t feel like it.” – Alistair Cooke, journalist

Okay, everyone. As you know my mission statement is to provide information you wouldn’t normally hear in your typical screenwriting course, screenwriting workshop or screenwriting class.  So, let’s get away from thoughts of summer for a moment and think about some great screenwriting.

Here is the second part of the scene from ‘SALT’ where the Russian deserter (Zykov) begins his story of how Russian children infiltrated the U.S. to become Sleeper agents. It’s a long FLASHBACK but I don’t you’ll be too bored.
ZYKOV
1975. The Cold War. In a gymnasium in Grozny…

INT. SOVIET GYMNASIUM – GROZNY – DAY

A WRESTLER works hard to position his OPPONENT. His body is
a continuous knot of muscle. His head, a brutal stub. It’s
only a matter of moments as he locks in a hold.

ZYKOV (V.O.)
A Soviet Olympic wrestler named
Sascha Fyorodovich Chenkov meets for the first time…

His eyes, by chance, connect with those of ANJA NUREKYOVA.
She’s part of a group being given a tour of the facility.

ZYKOV (V.O.) (CONT’D)
…the only female chess grand master of her era, Anja Nurekyova.

And Chenkov’s grip on his opponent is replaced by the
magnetic intensity of his shared gaze with Nurekyova.
Abruptly, his opponent breaks free and suddenly pins him.
Chenkov barely notices, his eyes on hers as she smiles.

ZYKOV (V.O.) (CONT’D)
They were married.

INT. MUNICIPAL BUILDING – GROZNY – DAY
A simple civil ceremony.

ZYKOV (V.O.)
And one year later… a child.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – GROZNY – DAY

Eight beds all occupied. Nurekyova watches from hers as
Chenkov cradles a NEWBORN child in his calloused hands. He
stares at it with depthless wonder. There is no doubt this
child, in these hands, will be protected.

ZYKOV (V.O.)
One year more the child was back in
the same hospital, sick with fever.

INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY – GROZNY – NIGHT

Chenkov holds his wife as she is wracked with sobs. Tears
streak his own face as well.

ZYKOV (V.O.)
They were told the child was dead. A
body was buried. But in fact…

EXT. REAR ENTRANCE – HOSPITAL – GROZNY – NIGHT

THE INFANT CHILD is carried out by a NURSE, handed through
the open back door of an idling black Volga.

ZYKOV
The child lived. It became the
property of Mother Russia. Ward of a
secret program and its administrator.

One of the two male hands that receives the baby flashes a
heavy RING with a GOLD STAR on a RED ENAMEL BACKGROUND.

INT. DINING ROOM – MANOR HOUSE – NIGHT

It’s former glory now threadbare. Sleet pelts the windows.
The infant child in a basket on a table. Alone. Wailing.

ZYKOV (V.O.)
The Cold War was at it’s coldest and
Brezhnev was determined that it was
America who would be crushed. And
2nd only to his nuclear arsenal,
Brezhnev’s weapon would be espionage.

INT. CLASSROOM – RUSSIA – DAY

YOUNG CHENKOV, 5, stands by a little desk, head shaved on the
sides in a military cut. SEVEN CLASSMATES behind and beyond.
Uniformity rules; it’s hard to tell the boys from the girls.

ZYKOV (V.O.)
Young Chenkov learned English long
before Russian. Drilled in idiom,
idiosyncrasy and ideology.

CLASS (TOGETHER)
I pledge allegiance to the flag of
the United States of America…

We focus in on young Chenkov’s voice.

CHENKOV
…and to the Republic for which it
stands: one Nation under God…

CUT TO:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY

Salt smiles, looses a smoke ring that drifts toward Zykov.

SALT
You’re killing me, Oleg. When does
the good fairy show up?

ZYKOV
Never. It’s a story without hope.

As the smoke ring widens, drifts past him…

OBSERVATION ROOM
Peabody suddenly aware of something. He looks to Techie One.

PEABODY
Get on his hands. Show me his ring.

Techie One hits the keyboard, manipulates the image of Zykov
on the screen into a CLOSE-UP of his hands… a heavy old
RING: gold star on a red background.

PEABODY (CONT’D)
You know what that is? He’s been
awarded the goddamn Hero of the
Soviet Union. How is that not in the data-base?

Bottoms shrugs, Peabody makes him very nervous.

ZYKOV (SPEAKER)
Have you ever been in a place from
where hope was gone? Where all that’s left is patience?

CUT TO:

INT. ANOTHER GYMNASIUM – RUSSIA – DAY

Chenkov, now 7, in the middle of a tumbling run: the end a
double somersault. Not enough rotation. A hard landing flat
on the ass. Chenkov sits there, worn out. Finally stands.

ZYKOV (V.O.)
Young Chenkov was taught persistence. Tenacity.

Another hard TUMBLING RUN ends with the same results except
this time flat on the back, Chenkov’s head snapping back.
Chenkov sits there a beat, worn out, trying not to cry.
Then looking up as two adult feet step up. The tears are
there, but they will not fall. As Chenkov stands again…

EXT. ARMY BARRACKS – DAY

Soviet SPEZNATZ ‘fight-train’, grappling, going over brutal
elbows, headbutts and knees. Cage fighters with no cage.
They stop to watch as six children are marched over. 10-year-old
Chenkov steps up, assumes a fighter’s stance.

ZYKOV (V.O.)
Trained to fight.

The Speznatz INSTRUCTOR LAUGHS. Chenkov grimly stomps down
hard on his foot, kicks him full force in the groin. The
Instructor drops to a knee, gasping. As his men laugh…

ZYKOV (V.O.) (CONT’D)
And to accept the consequences.

Chenkov resumes the stance. The instructor responds with a
vicious BACKHAND, sends the little body flying.

EXT. HARDSCRABBLE RUSSIAN LADSCAPE – DAY

The begrimed and filthy children march and stumble, carrying
heavy packs on their shoulders. Leaning forward, knees
scraped and bloody from falls, the exhaustion and enormous
strain evident. Staggered in a line, Chenkov in the lead.
Chenkov reaches a STAKE in the ground, the top fluttering an
ORANGE FLAG. Chenkov breathes. The others join one-by-one.
Chenkov looks up as we hear CAR TIRES crunch up.
The last child to cross is SHNAIDER, eyes the PALEST BLUE.
They blink as a car door SLAMS.

ZYKOV (V.O.)
Taught what it means to be a comrade.

They look up as an overcoated adult steps INTO FRAME before
them. A BAMBOO SWITCH in a hand which bears a familiar ring.

VOICE
<Who crossed first?>
Chenkov’s hand goes up.

VOICE (CONT’D)
<Who crossed last?>

Shnaider hand reluctantly raises. The switch motions the two
to the side. As they and the man disappear from frame, the
rest of the children watch. We hear the switch CRACKING
down. The children begin to recite.

CHILDREN
I will not desert my comrade wherever
I am stationed. I will fight both
alone and with all to help me. So my
motherland will not be diminished,
but grow greater than before.

I need to stop this scene here as otherwise it’s too long for a Facebook post. But as you can see, we have a very long Flashback that will end up with a terrific reveal at the end.

Notice a couple of things – how the scene goes back and forth from the past to the present. We discover revealing information about Zykov – he received the Hero of the Soviet Union medal, the same ring as the ring worn by the man who administers this secret Russian program.

So as we crosscut we continue to build suspense in the present.

For those of you who’ve seen the film, they added something that really put meat into this secret Russian program – a Russian was switched with Lee Harvey Oswald when he was in the Soviet Union. He came back and assassinated Kennedy. I thought that was a great addition, making this program even more sinister.

I also thought it was also a great touch that Evelyn Salt, our protagonist, seems incredibly bored with all this. She doesn’t buy this story for a second. That was a great choice and will pay off in spades later.

The images of this scene are striking, clear and evocative. I’ll send out the last part of this sequence next week. Have a great week-end.

Until then – KEEP WRITING!

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Hello, everyone. I try in these posts to present information one wouldn’t normally garner in your typical screenwriting course, screenwriting class or screenwriting workshop.  Here is another example of that. As promised, we will now discuss ‘SALT,” written by Kurt Wimmer and Brian Helgeland.

Eveylyn Salt, played brilliantly by Angelina Jolie, is a C.I.A. agent, who has just been released from a North Korean hellhole. Why she was there and how her husband got her out is one of the first story problems of the script as we are never told anything about that and how her husband is able to negotiate her release from the Communists when the C.I.A. was unable to is also highly improbable.

But we will get to that later. Salt is a tough female agent who has a date to see her husband tonight and is raring to leave work when a Russian spy walks into headquarters, ready to defect. The scene is quite long so we’re going to break it into two parts. This version of the script has changes from what eventually ended up on the screen but it is close. Here is the first part:

A RUSSIAN MAN – SEEN THROUGH A TWO-WAY MIRROR
Seated at a desk. Hair gray, head down, hands folded infront of him. A cigarette burns between two fingers, a carton on the desk. We are in the…

OBSERVATION ROOM
Salt, Winter and Bottoms. Peabody. A SECURITY OFFICER and TWO TECHIES.

One monitoring the video equipment, the other on the fMRI: a LIQUID CRYSTAL GRAPH of the Russian’s brain – heat signatures blooming in its cortex. A lie detector.

TECHIE ONE

Neural scan is up.

Winter looks to Salt, nods. She enters: the door on a blind so you can’t see in from the interrogation side.

INTERROGATION ROOM
Salt sits opposite the Russian. His head stays down.

RUSSIAN MAN

Female intelligence officers, in my experience, are usually lesbians.

SALT

Sorry we’re here to talk about you. Why don’t we start with your name.

He looks up. A character from a Gogol short story. Gaunt, older, pale dangerous eyes.

RUSSIAN MAN (ZYKOV)

My name is Oleg Vassily Zykov.

Salt just stares at him. Hard to say what she’s thinking, but she’s thinking something. He takes drag.

OBSERVATION ROOM

Bottoms types into a computer: O-l-e-g-Z-y-k-o-v.

INTERROGATION ROOM
He holds up the cigarette.

ZYKOV

I have cancer.

SALT

I am moved. A defector with cancer. Are you selling secrets for chemo? Are you afraid of dying?

OBSERVATION ROOM
Peabody likes her style. Techie two watches the scan.

TECHIE TWO

Scan says he’s truthful on the cancer.

ZYKOV (SPEAKER)

If I have gained anything by damning myself, it is that I no longer have anything to fear.

Bottoms’ screen comes to life with information. Including a PHOTO of Zykov maybe 7 or 8 years ago. Same guy.

BOTTOMS

Oleg Zykov. He shows up in 1993 in Novosibirsk Oblast, Siberia. He was on Victor Pechyonkin’s staff there.When Pechyonkin moved to head the FSB’s Counter Terrorism Unit in ‘95, Zykov went with him. Been there ever since. Mid-level. A bureaucrat.

WINTER

Prior to ‘93?

BOTTOMS

Nothing. He doesn’t exist.

INTERROGATION ROOM

Salt and Zykov.

SALT

I have someplace to be, Mr. Zykov. So if you wouldn’t mind getting to the point.

(All subtitled dialog will appear as <Russian> )

ZYKOV

<I came to tell you a story.>

SALT

<I don’t like stories. But let’s hear it anyway. And please…>(in English)…in English. Others are listening.

He smiles, regards her a beat, then…

This is the first third of the scene. As you will notice, like Tarantino’s opening scene in Inglourious Basterds it is quite long. What follows is a long flashback sequence, which many screenwriting pundits will tell you is old fashioned and to be avoided, yet you will see we are not bored in the least and this flashback sequence will build to a huge reveal.

Also notice the quick way the writers draw the main characters. The description is short but we see Zykov, the Russian defector incredibly clearly in the opening of the scene.

The dialogue is sparse but snaps, it defines each character. Here we have very strong screenwriting – we are telling a story with pictures. As we read, we see a movie. This is the most important aspect of a great script – we are seeing the pictures. They are clear and strong images that tell the story – the dialogue is excellent but the storytelling does no depend on the dialogue.

Also notice the detail that makes us believe this is actually an encounter in the headquarters of the C.I.A. Someone has clearly done their research and we buy that this is exactly what would happen if a foreign defector came in from the cold.

Let’s leave it at that for now. The scene builds to a killer reveal by the end. I hope you have all seen this movie by now and won’t be hesitant to see how it plays out if you haven’t. We’ll do that next week, I promise.

Until then – KEEP WRITING!

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Hello, everyone. As you all know, I do my best to present information you wouldn’t normally receive in your typical screenwriting class, screenwriting course, or screenwriting workshop.  This is another example of that. For the next few weeks, we are going to look at some action films, where great scene writing has contributed to their success.

Let’s look at TAKEN, written by Luc Bresson (one of my favorite directors and writers) and Mark Kamen, another industry pro.

If you haven’t already seen this film, Bryan, the protagonist, played by Liam Neeson, is an ex CIA spook whose daughter decided to go to Europe against his advise with another girl. They disappeared and now Bryan must track them down, killing a whole bunch of nasty people in the process.

Unlike another action film – SALT – which we will discuss next week, Taken is extremely realistic and gritty and exposes the kidnapping of girls who are drugged and sold into prostitution for the international skin trade.

This is a scene between Bryan and an old colleague of his in Paris, who’s been pretending to help him but actually is a part of this dirty business. Bryan has figured this out and has dropped in unexpectedly on his old friend and his wife, Isabelle.

ISABELLE

Look who dropped by…

Jean-Claude takes a moment, recovers.

JEAN-CLAUDE

Bryan. What a pleasant surprise.

BRYAN

Yes. I thought you would like it.

ISABELLE

The children waited up for you. If you’ll tuck them in we can eat before

everything gets cold. Bryan, will you do the honors?

Hands him a cork screw and a bottle of wine.

JEAN-CLAUDE

I’ll be just a minute. Come on, kids.

Jean-Claude exits with the kids.

TRACK WITH
Jean-Claude walks the kids down the hall.

JEAN-CLAUDE

Go inside. Get in bed. I’ll be right there.

He nudges them to their bedroom, then slips into a small bathroom

INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT

Jean-Claude reaches under a sink and comes up with a gun, which he hides in his pocket.

INT. DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Jean-Claude enters.

ISABELLE

I was just telling Bryan how nice it has been since you left the old job for

the new one. Home every night for dinner, get to see the kids more.

BRYAN

Yes. Must be nice coming home and seeing your kids every night, knowing they’re safe.

Jean-Claude is growing increasingly uncomfortable.

ISABELLE

Bryan has been thinking of relocating.

JEAN-CLAUDE

Really?

ISABELLE

Yes. To Paris. He’s been looking at houses.(to Bryan) White or dark meat?

BRYAN

Dark please.

As she serves him…

JEAN-CLAUDE

Find anything interesting?

BRYAN

As a matter of fact I did. Over in the eighteenth. OnRue Paradis. The people there know someone who works in your office, I think. A Monsieur Macon?

Jean-Claude tenses. Bryan sees the reaction.

BRYANYou know him?

ISABELLE

Oh Henri. I call him Mr. Nervous. Always looks like he is about to have a problem. Carrots?

She holds up the serving plate.

BRYAN

Thank you.

Takes a spoonful on his plate.

BRYAN

I got to the bottom of it, Jean. I know everything. I hope you’re not involved in this shit.

ISABELLE

What shit?

JEAN-CLAUDE

This is not the time or place, Bryan.

ISABELLE

What are you talking about?

BRYAN

Are you involved?

ISABELLE

Involved in what? Will somebody tell me…

BRYAN

Because if you are…

Jean-Claude pulls his gun, points it at Bryan.

ISABELLE

Jean!

JEAN-CLAUDE

My salary is X. My expenses are Y. I do not know where the difference between the two come from. As long as my family is provided for,

I do not care where the differences comes from.That is my entire involvement.

BRYAN

And what about my family Jean?

JEAN-CLAUDE

I told you I would help as long as it did not cause trouble for me.

BRYAN

Who is Patrice St. Clair?

JEAN-CLAUDE

I don’t now. I don’t care. I’m driving you to the airport.

ISABELLE

Jean! Please tell me…

JEAN-CLAUDE

Shut up, Isabelle! Just shut up!

To Bryan.

JEAN-CLAUDE

Let’s get going. Dinner is over.

Jean-Claude menaces with the gun.

JEAN-CLAUDE

Yes you are.

Bryan opens his hand, drops the bullets from the gun on the table.

BRYAN

No I’m not.

Jean-Claude pulls the trigger. Click click.

BRYAN

That’s what happens when you sit behind a desk. You stop paying attention to the details. You forget things. Like the weight in the hand of a gun that is loaded and one that is not.

In the flash of an eye, Bryan takes out his own gun. Shoots Isabelle in the shoulder. She falls to the ground screaming. Jean-Claude goes to move. Bryan takes him to the table with an

immobilizing arm lock, presses the gun to his head.

JEAN-CLAUDE

You bastard!

BRYAN

It’s a flesh wound. But if you don’t get me whatI need, the last thing you’ll see before I make your children orphans is the bullet I put between her eyes.

Amazing scene, isn’t it? We the audience are let into something that one of the central characters doesn’t know – that Jean-Claude has a gun. Bryan suspects he will go for this gun and takes the bullets but we don’t know that until the end of the scene.

Also take note of how there is an ordinary event occurring (the serving of dinner) as something incredibly dangerous is occurring in the background that Isabelle doesn’t have a clue about. This makes the suspense even greater and when Bryan shoots Isabelle (completely unexpected by her husband and certainly by us, the audience), it has even more effect than if there was no innocent meal and there was simply a stand-off.

Again, the writers milk this moment for all it’s worth. They know they have an amazing moment and want to take as much advantage of it as much they can. William Goldman who wrote some of the greatest scripts of the last 30 years says this is exactly what makes a great movie: 6 or 7 great moments like this. If you have those 6 or 7 great moments in your film, you have a winner.

For next week, SALT. Go see it in the meantime so you can read the posts about SALT and really participate in our discussions.

Until then – KEEP WRITING!

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