Hello, screenwriters. This is another contribution which will add to your knowledge. Something you might not get in your typical screenwriting course, screenwriting class or screenwriting workshop.

I hope everyone was properly inspired by last week’s post. I cannot tell you how frustrated I get with writers who don’t go into this crazy business with the drive and persistence it requires to actually succeed. If screenwriting is just a hobby, then that is fine, but if you actually want to play the game for real, then you have to be able to pay the piper.

No back up plans. No whining please. No great excuses why you can’t write this week-end. It has to be a total commitment, a willingness to put everything on the line, a do or die attitude that we will storm the fortress or go down dying in the attempt. The rewards are huge, so shouldn’t be the sacrifices be as well?

But it will require everything you think you can give and then it will ask more of you. And I will ask more of you as well. And if you have the heart to give it, you deserve the rewards as well. So let’s be heroes and truly put ourselves on the line. So there will be no regrets. For regrets are only for those who never really tried.

I hope you’re with me. For now, let’s have a laugh and enjoy one of the best comedies of the last year – “The Hangover,” written by Jon Lucas and Scott Moore. There is a wonderful scene at the very beginning of this script that definitely sets the tone for this movie. Let’s listen in:

INT. TRACY’S PARENTS HOUSE – BEL AIR, CA – DAY

We are in front of a large mirror, looking at –

DOUG BILLINGS

Early 30’s, he is our groom. Handsome, good-natured and laid back… he’s got his shit together.

ALAN, not so much.

Alan is Doug’s future brother-in-law. He’s in his 40’s and single. There is something off about him, something out-of-step.

They are both wearing TUXEDOS, getting last minute alterations by a TAILOR…

They stand stiffly in front of the mirror, until –

ALAN
(to the tailor)
Hey, Buddy. Easy in that area… you need to relax.

DOUG
It’s okay, Alan. He’s just doing the inseam.

ALAN
Yeah, I’m just saying – be careful. I’m not into any of that.
(beat)
Not even a little.

Doug puts his hand up, okay…

TAILOR
All done. You can change now.

The tailor grabs his things and heads out of the room… The guys start to undress out of the tuxedos…

ALAN
So listen, Doug… I was thinking. If you want to go to
Vegas without me, it’s totally cool.

DOUG
What?

ALAN
Well, it’s your bachelor party and Stu and Phil
are your buddies.

DOUG
C’mon, Alan, those two love you.

ALAN
I just hate to feel like the fourth wheel.

DOUG
I think you mean the third wheel.

Alan looks at him…

DOUG
You hate to feel like the third wheel..
Four wheels is actually a good thing…
It’s balanced.

ALAN
Whatever. I just don’t want you holding back
cause your wife’s brother is watching.

DOUG
It’s not like that. I already told you –
We’re just spending the night in Vegas.
No big deal.

Alan nods… continues to undress…

DOUG
And besides, you’re not just my wife’s brother…
You’re my brother now.

Alan nods, truly touched by what Doug said. Intense…

ALAN
I want you to know that I’m a steel trap, Doug.
(beat)
Whatever happens tonight, I will never EVER speak
a word of it.

Doug laughs… Alan doesn’t.

DOUG
Oh. Okay, well I don’t think –

ALAN
Seriously, I don’t care what happens.
(quietly)
I don’t care if we kill someone –

DOUG
What?!

ALAN
Like, on accident, y’know –
Shit happens. I wouldn’t tell a soul.

He stares at Doug.

DOUG
Okay, I get it. Thank you.

By now the guys have undressed down to their underwear…
Alan looks at his brother –

ALAN
No. Thank you, Doug, you’re fucking awesome.

And he goes to hug him, an awkward hug, by two guys in their underwear.

This line by Alan I think you will agree is totally unexpected. He truly means this which is what is so absolutely weird. And it comes straight from Alan’s twisted psyche. Alan is not the protagonist of the movie but he is the character who makes everything happen. He provides the true crazy humor of this film, the instigating character if you will. Just as Iago is not the protagonist of Othello, he also makes everything happen.

We see just a taste of what Alan is capable of here, it totally surprises us, makes us laugh in an uncomfortable way and sets us up what Alan will do later. He also makes for a great scene that really comes off the page.

Always look for ways to surprise us in a scene – whether it’s a piece of action, dialogue or unexpected twist.

Also notice in this scene how the narrative feels like someone is talking to us. It sets a tone. When we get that in the narrative, it makes for wonderful storytelling.

For those of you who haven’t seen this movie, please do. It does everything right.

Until then – KEEP WRITING!

 

Hello, Screenwriters. You know I attempt to provide information that you wouldn’t normally get in your typical screenwriting class, screenwriting workshop or screenwriting course. This post certainly fits that bill.

Our discussion of last week made me think more about what I like to call obligatory scenes. These are scenes in movies where characters are forced to reveal their deepest feelings. This is the cousin to what David Freeman calls “Slams.” That is, someone is forced to slam into what is deepest in their hearts.

 

Obligatory scenes are usually longer than ordinary scenes because this is really the heart of what the movie is about. A daughter is able to tell her father all she ever wanted is for him to say he loved her (On Golden Pond). All the action really leads up to these moments.

 

Because they are in essence the heart of the film, they can run longer, and certainly, characters can speak more directly. As a result, dialogue can be more on-the-nose, for these are the moments when characters reveal their deepest emotions and don’t need to hide or misdirect what they have been feeling for so long.

 

These are obligatory scenes because it’s what the story has been building to. They are release points for the characters. Finally, everything that has been worth saying can now be said.

 

The reason they are not dripping with sentimentality is that they are real and heartfelt, they are not there to manipulate the audience but to truly reveal what a character is feeling.

 

In real life, we have all experienced these moments when the curtain is pulled back and the truth is uttered. These moments are often life changing, as when we face these moments we are facing the truth about ourselves and others and from these moments on, we cannot pretend anymore.

 

How successful you will be as a writer in expressing these moments has more to do with how deeply you can see into your characters and less about writing clever dialogue.

 

Let’s see another example of this in the wonderful screenplay by Cameron Crowe – Jerry Maguire. The protagonist is played by Tom Cruise, Rod Tidwell is played by Cuba Gooding Jr. Jerry has come to Philadelphia to see his client, Rod. They finally talk “the truth.”

 

 

JERRY

I’ll see you in Arizona.

 

TIDWELL

I’m gonna have the game of my life

on Monday Night Football, and show

all these motherfuckers.

 

JERRY

Take care, okay? You’re my entire

client roster.

 

TIDWELL

Don’t I know. Now go home to your wife.

 

JERRY

What’s that supposed to mean?

 

TIDWELL

Why are you even here, man? You

could have told me all this over the phone.

 

JERRY

I don’t know — how’s “dedication” for an answer?

 

TIDWELL

You don’t want to go home, do you?

 

JERRY

Why are you doing this to me, Rod?

 

TIDWELL

I’m asking you a question —

 

JERRY

No, you’re —

 

TIDWELL

I’m trying to talk to you. How’s your marriage?

 

Jerry looks at Rod for a moment. It is the simplest

question, and one in which he has no quick answer.

 

JERRY

Not everyone has what you have.

 

TIDWELL

Then why’d you get married? I’m asking you as a friend.

 

JERRY

(shaking his head)

You’re jabbing at me.

 

TIDWELL

I’m sorry I asked.

 

JERRY

No, I’m going to answer you. You want an answer? I’ll give it to you.

(beat)

Loyalty. She was loyal.

(unconvincing)

Everything grew from there.

 

TIDWELL

That’s an answer.

 

JERRY

Damn right.

 

TIDWELL

For loyalty, you buy a dog. For love, you get married.

 

JERRY

Look. I’m happy to entertain you,

as always, but I have a question

for you. Are we really “friends?”

 

TIDWELL

Why not —

 

JERRY

Well, friends can tell each other

anything, right? If we have our “friends” hats on —

 

TIDWELL

(wary)

I think so.

 

JERRY

(intense)

Airight. Here’s why you don’t

have your ten million dollars yet.

You are a paycheck player. You

play with your head. Not your

heart. In your personal life?

(points)

Heart. But when you get on the field —

(finger rises to

Tidwell’s head)

— you’re a businessman. It’s

wide-angle lenses and who fucked

you over and who owes you for it.

That’s not what inspires people.

I’m sorry, but that’s the truth,

can you handle it? Just a

“question,” Rod. Between friends.

 

TIDWELL

I don’t want to be friends anymore.

 

JERRY

Fine.

 

TIDWELL

Beautiful.

 

JERRY

(angry)

We still having dinner in L.A.?

 

TIDWELL

(anqry)

Only ’cause my wife likes your wife!

 

Jerry exits. Tidwell is pissed. And hurt.

 

TIDWELL

(continuing)

“No heart.” “No heart?”

(yells after him)

I’m all heart, motherfucker!

 

 

No more jokes, no more niceties, they are now going to lay it on the line. How well they can handle this is how well they will ultimately face up to the real issues in their life – Jerry’s inability to be intimate and vulnerable in his marriage, Rod’s inability to play with true passion.

 

Jerry Maguire is rich with these moments, for it’s a story of a man who tries to be a better person – he suffers for it – but ultimately gets the things he’s been yearning for. Explore these moments in your screenplays and search for them in films you watch. Share them with us, too!

 

Until then – KEEP WRITING!

 

 

 

Hello, screenwriters. These posts are meant to provide detailed information one wouldn’t normally get in your typical screenwriting workshop, screenwriting class or screenwriting course.

This is my last post on writing dialogue before my webinar on March 24th when I provide in great detail screenwriting techniques to improve this crucial aspect of your craft.

The answer to the above question – when is on-the-nose dialogue appropriate relates to obligatory scenes. Those are scenes where the characters finally break through all their defense mechanisms, self protective walls and insecurities and finally say what’s really in their hearts.

The movie that always comes to mind for me in this regard is “On Golden Pond,” written by Ernest Thompson, adapted from his stage play of the same name.

This obligatory scene is set up wonderfully by the writer, as the main character of the story, Norman (played by Henry Fonda) is a crusty New Englander, and like many of his ilk, renowned for being closed off and unable to express deep feelings. He deflects everything emotional with a cynical humor in an effort to protect himself.

He’s a proud man who is hurting as he’s getting old and fragile and sees his life soon coming to an end. His one child, Chelsea (played by his daughter in real life Jane Fonda) has buried years of resentment and anger against her father, who seems unable to show any real love or warmth towards her. (As a side note, this seems to be true regarding their real life relationship as well!).

This particular summer Chelsea leaves with her dentist boyfriend to Europe. He has a son, Billy, which Norman and his wife agree to take care of while they’re away.

When Chelsea returns from her trip, she notices her father showing more love and affection for this boy than he ever showed to her. Those years of resentment finally burst to the surface and we have a wonderful obligatory scene between them. Finally, the walls come down and those buried feelings burst to the fore.

The whole movie actually builds to this moment.

CHELSEA

Hey! Look at you!

NORMAN

Hi, kid. Where’s the dentist?

CHELSEA
He had to get back. Norman, I want to talk to you.

NORMAN

What seems to be the problem?

CHELSEA

There’s no problem. I just…

I want to talk to you. I think that…
maybe you and I should have the kind
of relationship that we’re supposed to have.

NORMAN

What kind of relationship is that?

 

CHELSEA
Well, you know… like a father and a daughter.

NORMAN

Oh, just in the nick of time, huh? Worried about
the will, are you? I’m leaving everything to you
except what I’m taking with me.

CHELSEA

Just stop it. I don’t want anything. It seems that you and me
have been mad at each other for so long.

NORMAN
I didn’t know we were mad. I thought we just didn’t like each other.

CHELSEA

I want to be your friend.

NORMAN

Oh. This mean you’ll come around more often?
Mean a lot to your mother.

CHELSEA

I’ll come around more often.

NORMAN
Well.

CHELSEA

Yep. Oh! I got married in Brussels.

NORMAN

You did? In Brussels?

CHELSEA

He makes me very happy.

NORMAN

Well, good. Does he speak English?

CHELSEA

Bill… I married Bill.

NORMAN

Bill? Oh, Bill! I’m glad, Chelsea. That’s “san frantastic.”

CHELSEA

What?

NORMAN

Is Billy gonna be living with ya?

CHELSEA

Uh-huh.

NORMAN
Well, good.

CHELSEA

Isn’t that something?

NORMAN

Good for you.

You know something? I got him doing
the back flip just like a pro.

CHELSEA

Oh, yeah? That’s great.

NORMAN

Want me to get him down and show you?

CHELSEA

No. Not right now.

NORMAN

Okay. Oh, that’s right.
You never were a great back flipper, were you?

CHELSEA

I was always too fat, remember?

NORMAN

Yeah, I do remember that now.

CHELSEA

Well, probably a lot easier for a boy.

NORMAN

I beg your pardon.

CHELSEA

Do you want to see me do a back flip?

NORMAN
Huh?

CHELSEA

I am gonna do a goddamn back flip.

NORMAN

Chelsea, you don’t have to.

CHELSEA

I want to!

And she does the back flip and shows her Dad she can be just as good as any boy.

Notice how understated this dialogue is despite the fact that very deep emotions are being expressed. Norman doesn’t break character and become a different human being, he’s still wry and cut off emotionally but he clearly is hearing what his daughter is saying.

He attempts to revert to humor as he always does but this time she won’t let him – “I’m leaving everything to you except what I’m taking with me.” And she replies – “Just stop it.” So for once, she’s not going to let him get away with his normal bullshit.

This scene could have been much more melodramatic but the writer keeps the characters “in character,” they don’t break down and cry and carry on; but their true emotions get stated nevertheless.

Most movies have obligatory scenes. They are the emotional pay off to every movie. Join my webinar on Tuesday of next week. It goes live at 1:00 pm but you can watch it anytime as it’s archived for a year. Your dialogue will improve as a result: http://bit.ly/Strong-Dialogue

 

As you know, I write these posts to provide information you wouldn’t normally hear in your typical screenwriting course, screenwriting class or screenwriting workshop.  This certainly fits that bill.

I used to think you couldn’t teach screenwriters how to write better dialogue, but I was wrong.

Developing your talent for great repartee is not necessarily a god-given talent but can be nurtured and improved like anything else.

 

Hello, screenwriters.  As you’re well aware, my mission is to provide information and examples of great screenwriting you wouldn’t normally get in your typical screenwriting class, screenwriting workshop, or screenwriting course.  This certainly fits that bill.

Our subject now is writing dialogue that will capture the attention of the reader and your audience at large.  I used to think that one had to have an innate talent for this aspect of screenwriting but have learned that it can be taught like anything else.

I will be giving a webinar on Tuesday March 24th at 1:00 pm, laying out very specific dialogue techniques that you can instantly use to make your dialogue really come alive.  You don’t have to participate in the live event but can watch the webinar anytime at your leisure as it’s archived for a year.  At the end of the this post I’ll provide details on how to participate.

For just a taste of this, here’s a scene from “Juno” by Diablo Cody, who took Hollywood by storm a few years ago. It’s principally her incredible dialogue that got people talking.  Let’s see a bit of this in a scene where

Juno, accompanied by her female friend for support, tells her parents that she’s pregnant:

INT. MACGUFF HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – AFTERNOON 47

Bren and MAC are seated on the couch. Leah is standing nearby for reinforcements. Juno paces nervously, trying to suss outhow to break the massive news.

JUNO

I have no idea how to spit this out.

BREN

Hon, did you get expelled?

JUNO

No.

The school would probably contact you in the event of my expulsion.

MAC

Do you need a large sum of money?Legal counsel?

JUNO

No, no, I’m definitely not asking for anything. Except maybe mercy.Like, it would be really great if nobody hit me.

LEAH

Best to just tell them, man. Ripoff the Band-Aid and let it bleed.

JUNO

I’m pregnant.

Bren and Mac are predictably speechless.

BREN

Oh, God…

JUNO

But I’m going to give it up for adoption. I already found the perfect people.

Leah presents the Penny Saver photos of the Lornings.

JUNO

They say they’re going to pay my medical expenses and everything. I promise this will all be resolved in thirty-odd weeks, and we can pretend it never happened.

MAC

You’re pregnant?

JUNO

I’m so sorry, you guys. If it’s any consolation, I have heartburn that’s like, radiating down to my kneecaps and I haven’t gone number two since Wednesday. Morning!

BREN(interrupting)

I didn’t even know you were sexually active!

Juno cringes upon hearing her most-hated term.

MACWho is the kid?
JUNO

The baby? I don’t know anything about it yet. I only know it’s got fingernails, allegedly.

BREN

Nails? Really?

MAC

No, I mean the father! Who’s the father, Juno?

JUNO

Oh. It’s, well, it’s Paulie Bleeker.

Bren and Mac burst into shocked laughter.

JUNO

What?
MAC

Paulie Bleeker? I didn’t know he had it in him!

BREN(giggling)

He just doesn’t look, well, virile.

LEAH

I know, right?

MAC

Okay, this is no laughing matter.

JUNO(indignant)

No, it’s not. Paulie is virile, bythe way. He was very good in…chair.

Leah fires a be quiet glance at Juno.

MAC

Did you say you were thinking about adoption?

JUNO

Yeah, well, there’s this couple who’ve been trying to have a baby for five years.

LEAH

We found them in the Penny Saver by the exotic birds section.

Bren looks understandably alarmed. Juno hastily attempts to make the situation sound more legitimate.

JUNO

But they have a real lawyer and everything. I’m going to meet withthem next weekend.

BREN

Junebug, that is a tough, tough thing to do. Probably tougher than you can understand right now.

JUNO

Well, I’m not ready to be a mom.

MAC

Damn skippy, you’re not! You don’t even remember to give Liberty Bell her breathing meds.

JUNOOnce! And she didn’t die, if you recall!

BREN

Honey, had you considered, you know, the alternative?

Leah and Juno exchange glances.

JUNO

No.

BREN

Well, you’re a brave young lady.You’re made of stronger stuff than I thought. You’re a little Viking!

JUNO

Cool it.

BREN

First things first, we have to get you healthy. You need prenatal vitamins. Incidentally, they’ll do incredible things for your nails, so that’s a plus. Oh, and we need to schedule a doctor’s appointment. Find out where you’re going to deliver.

MAC

Juno, I want to come with you to meet these adoption people. You’re just a kid. I don’t want you to get ripped off by a couple of baby starved wingnuts.

JUNO

Sure, Dad.

Mac nods, satisfied, then contemplates the situation.

MAC

I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when.

JUNO

I have no idea what kind of girl I am.

Juno and Leah hightail it away.

This is absolutely brilliant stuff! Notice how in the dialogue the writer uses visual imagery: Leah: “Rip off the band-aid and let it bleed!” That startling image is so much more effective than anything that could be said with plain prose. Bren: “You’re a little Viking!” Another great image which says it all. Yes, Juno is an impressionable teenager who sometimes does really stupid stuff but she’s also got the heart of a warrior. She is one strong gal.

And also, let’s take note of the rhythms, the music. The scene flows, up and down and in many interesting ways. The dialogue is witty and humorous but does not undercut the real, deep emotion of what is going on Notice also how every character sounds different. Juno does not talk like Leah and Bren has a very unique way of looking at the world: very practical, she immediately goes into: Okay, this is what we’re going to do now.

Juno’s father, Mac, is very down-to-earth, he’s shocked, saddened but above all else is concerned about his little girl who’s growing up way too fast for him.

One of the best ways to improve writing is to constantly study great examples of what we’re trying to achieve. Don’t accept anything less in your own work. Are you writing with pacing, with great rhythms, do your characters sound unique?

And notice how this scene ends with a great button. Every scene should end with a wonderful bit of action, dialogue or something that surprises us. We don’t want scenes to just fade away or dissolve at the end. This is one of the hardest things about screenwriting. End scenes with a great moment.

That Juno responds: “I have no idea what kind of girl I am,” is actually what this film is all about. Juno discovers what she’s truly made of. And she and we discover she is made of heroic stuff.
For very specific techniques on on how to achieve this kind of mastery, Join my webinar on March 24th.     http://bit.ly/Strong-Dialogue

As I’ve stated on many occasions, I provide these posts so you will receive information you wouldn’t normally get in your typical screenwriting course, screenwriting class or screenwriting workshop.

We now are talking about writing better dialogue.  Here is a great example from “The Fisher King,” written by Richard LaGravenese. Parry is played by the late, great Robin Williams, Lydia by Amanda Plummer. Parry has had a nervous breakdown after the loss of his wife and suffers hallucinations. Lydia is paralyzed by awkwardness and self doubt. They go on a date together and find themselves falling in love. Lydia and Parry walk up to Lydia’s apartment door:

LYDIA:Hmm. You’ll probably want to comeupstairs for some coffee.

PARRY:I don’t drink coffee.

LYDIA:And we’ll probably have a drink andtalk and get to know each other alittle bit better. Get comfortable.And then you’ll…..you’ll sleepover. And in the morning, you’ll bedistant. And you won’t be able tostay for breakfast. Maybe just ascup of coffee.

PARRY:I don’t drink coffee.

LYDIA:And then we’ll exchange phone numbersand you’ll leave. And never call.And I’ll go to work and feel so good–for the first hour! And ever soslowly, I’ll turn into a piece ofdirt. I don’t know why I’m puttingmyself through this. It was reallynice to meet you. ‘Night. (She runsoff down the street)

PARRY:’Night….(a pause, then he runsafter her) Excuse me! Wait! Just-hey sorry,wait, one minute-hey, excuseme! Please wait, wait!

LYDIA:No, listen, I’m not feeling very well…

PARRY:Well, no wonder. We just met, madelove and broke up all in the spaceof 30 seconds and I don’t rememberhaving the first kiss, which I thinkis the best part.

LYDIA:Look, it was so very special to meand I had such a wonderful time…

PARRY:It was to me too. But I think it’stime you should shut up now. Shut upplease? (she shuts up) I’m not comingup to your apartment. That was nevermy intention.

LYDIA:Ohh God, you don’t want to…(embarrassed)

PARRY:Oh no, I want to. I have a hard-onfor you the size of Florida. But Idon’t want just one night. I have aconfession I have to make to you.

LYDIA:You’re married?

PARRY:No.

LYDIA:You’re divorced?

PARRY:No.

LYDIA:You have a disease?

PARRY:No, please stop…I’m in love with you.

Lydia looks at him like he’s completely nuts, not believinghim. Parry shakes head, puts a hand toward her mouth softly.

PARRYAnd not just from tonight. I’ve knownyou for a long time. I know youcome out from work at noon every dayand you fight your way out that doorand then you get pushed back in andthree seconds later you come backout again. I walk with you to lunchand I know if it’s a good day, ifyou stop and get that romance novelat that bookstore. I know what youorder, and I know that on Wednesdaysyou go to that Dim Sum parlor and Iknow that you get a jawbreaker beforeyou go back in to work.
And I know you hate your job and youdon’t have many friends and I knowsometimes you feel a littleuncoordinated and you don’t feel aswonderful as everybody else andfeeling as alone and as separate asyou feel you are…I love you……I love you…and I think you’rethe greatest thing since spice racksand I would be knocked out severaltimes if I could just have that firstkiss. And I won’t, I won’t be distant.I’ll come back in the morning andI’ll call ya if you let me… But Istill don’t drink coffee.

Long pause, Lydia slowly touches Parry’s face.

LYDIA:You’re real…aren’t you?

Parry smiles, and quietly laughs. They kiss

LYDIA: (CONT’D)You can call me.

She opens the door and walks in. Parry turns to go.

As you see, there are long monologues here which screenwriting gurus tell us are something we should avoid. Not at all.  Actors love monologues. Notice all the visual imagery in the dialogue – i.e. “You’re the greatest thing since spice racks.”
These are both advanced dialogue techniques I will be pointing out in my upcoming webinar which will go live on Tuesday March 24th at 1:00 pm but you can watching it anytime for up to year.  Join me and improve your dialogue:  http://bit.ly/Strong-Dialogue

 

As is always the case, I do my utmost to provide examples of great screenwriting you wouldn’t normally encounter in your typical screenwriting course, screenwriting workshop, or screenwriting class.

We are now going to talk at length about writing great screen dialogue. I will be giving a webinar on this topic on March 24th so look out for postings about this event.
For now, I’d like to present some scenes which illustrate great examples for us to study. We should all be reading the best screenplays, filling our heads with the best screenwriting we can so we can all push ourselves to grasp higher and higher and perfect our craft.

Let’s look at a scene from one of the better movies of 2008. THE WRESTLER. The screenplay is by Robert D. Siegel. Randy is played by Mickey Rourke – Cassidy is played by Marisa Tomei.

INT. LOCAL BAR – SHORT TIME LATER

Randy and Cassidy are having beers at the bar. He’s holding her CELLPHONE, looking at PICTURES of her son. He moves on to the next one.

RANDY
He’s a good-lookin’ kid.

CASSIDY
I think so.

RANDY
I see where he gets it from.

Cassidy smiles, flattered.

CASSIDY
He sure doesn’t get it from his
douchebag father.

Randy skips to the next pic. It’s a shot of an UNDERCONSTRUCTION
CONDO BUILDING.

RANDY
What’s that?

CASSIDY
Just this condo thing, down by Trenton.

RANDY
You moving there?

CASSIDY
Working on it.
(beat)
It’s a great area. Way cheaper. And
the schools are awesome.

RANDY
What about Cheetah’s?

CASSIDY
I’m done. I’m quitting.

RANDY
(a little disappointed)
Oh.
(nods to self)
Okay…

MUSIC: DEF LEPPARD – “POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME”

Randy’s ears perk up at the song on the jukebox.

RANDY (CONT’D)
Hell, yeah.

He stands up, reaching out for Cassidy’s hand. She doesn’t
give it.

RANDY (CONT’D)
C’mon. Let’s dance.

CASSIDY
Where?

RANDY
Right here.

CASSIDY
This isn’t a dance place.

RANDY
Who cares? Fuckin’ Def Lep!

CASSIDY
(chuckles)
I’ve danced to this plenty.

RANDY
Fine. Then I’m dancing for you.

Randy starts DANCING in front of Cassidy, who’s sitting on a
barstool. She smiles.

CASSIDY
Is this a lapdance I’m getting?

Randy goes into lapdance mode, “seductively” writhing for
her, silly and self-aware.

RANDY
Just sit back and enjoy.

He turns around, wiggling his ass a little for her. He runs his hands up and down her sides. He drapes his long blond mane over her shoulders, running it over her face. She laughs, charmed and amused.
He gazes into her eyes intensely.

RANDY (CONT’D)
The lapdancer has become the lapdanced.

Cassidy laughs. He continues dancing, totally unembarrassed.

CASSIDY
I think we can get you a shift.

Randy bobs his head along to the kick-ass Def Leppard tune, really loving it. The song builds to its chorus. Randy SINGS ALONG.

RANDY
Take a bottle, shake it up/ Break
the bubble, break it u-up…
(chorus)
Pour some sugar on me! In the name
of love!

Cassidy, unable to resist the call of the Lep, joins in.

CASSIDY AND RANDY
Pour some sugar on me! C’mon fire
me up!
(pointing at each other)
Pour your sugar on me! I can’t get enough…
(eye contact, sultry)
I’m hot, sticky sweet/ From my head
to my feet yeah…

From here, the song veers off into a GUITAR PART. Randy nods along, savoring the awesome hair-metal riffing.

RANDY
They don’t make ‘em like they used to.

CASSIDY
Fuckin’ eighties, man. Best shit ever.

RANDY
Def Lep, Gunners…

CASSIDY
The Crüe…

RANDY
Then that Cobain pussy had to come around and ruin it all.

CASSIDY
Like there’s something wrong with having a good time.

RANDY
Fuckin’ mopey douchebag.
(beat)
“Ooh, look at me! I wear flannel!
I’m all depressed!”

CASSIDY
“I’m from Seattle! I like rain!”

Randy shakes his head sourly.

RANDY
Nineties fuckin’ sucked.

CASSIDY
No shit…

Their EYES MEET. A moment of CHEMISTRY. Mutual attraction. Randy moves closer, his eyes locked on hers. He leans in for… a KISS.

They MAKE OUT for a few seconds. Cassidy PULLS BACK. She gives Randy a playfully scolding FINGER WAG, masking her fear and discomfort with what just happened.

CASSIDY (CONT’D)
No contact with the customers.

RANDY
You’re right. My bad.

He keeps right on dancing, totally unaware of the shift that just occurred in her.

CASSIDY
Shit.

RANDY
What’s up?

CASSIDY
(glancing at watch)
I totally didn’t realize the time.

RANDY
We just got here.

CASSIDY
I should get home.

She stands up. Randy is very disappointed.

RANDY
C’mon. You said one beer!

Randy points toward her ALMOST-FULL BEER on the bar. She picks it up and CHUGS the whole thing. She slaps the empty bottle on the bar.

CASSIDY
Good night.

She gives him an arm pat and walks out of the bar. Randy is impressed.

Okay, so why is this scene so good? Because it makes us participate in what’s happening. We aren’t told anything – but we are shown a great deal.

These are two people that actually have a lot in common. They begin this scene by being new friends and end up almost something more. It’s done with the music they share, the history they both went through, and the wild times they clearly both experienced.

Now they’re growing up and both are transitioning. For a brief moment, they almost completely connect. But then Cassidy pulls back and Randy doesn’t even get why. But we do. We’re fascinated as all this happens in a few short moments. We see the best of Randy and we are charmed as well by Cassidy.

But nothing is spelled out. It’s all happening by what the screenwriter shows us about this moment in time when everything shifts in their relationship. The fact that it happens with great music and dancing and a real mating dance makes it extremely filmic.

So, you as a screenwriter need to do the same. How can I show what I want to say in a scene without coming out and saying it? This more than anything will keep you from writing on-the-nose dialogue. You find the central visual image of a scene and everything else will flow from there.

That is the crux of great screenwriting – it is what sometimes makes us stay up for many sleepless nights, pulling out our hair. It’s easy to have characters blurt out their feelings, we avoid that like poison – we want to show it. Make sense?

 

As you have probably gathered by now, this blog is all about providing information that you wouldn’t normally hear in a screenwriting

class, screenwriting course, or screenwriting workshop. This certainly fits that bill.

I’ve spent a good deal of my life working in this craft and trying to understand what truly makes a great screenplay. It really comes down to the connection the audience makes with your protagonist.

I was recently interviewed by Carla Iacovetti for Creative Screenwriting Magazine where I spoke about Creating Believable Characters.

I think you might enjoy it.

http://creativescreenwriting.com/creating-believable-characters/

 

 

Hello, screenwriters. As you all know I provide information that isn’t normally gleaned from your typical screenwriting course, screenwriting class or screenwriting workshop.

For those of you who’ve followed this blog for a while you might know what I’m getting at when I say do what Shakespeare did. Shakespeare was wise enough to borrow all of his plots from the best models he could find – And I’m talking about all his plots, whether they were Rome and Juliet, King Lear or MacBeth. They were all lifted from other sources.

Does that make Shakespeare a lesser playwright?  Of course not. And so we should learn from the great bard and follow the same course.  Just as Woody Allen did with Blue Jasmine –  it’s the exact same plot as A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams. I’m sure Woody was aware of that.

Whenever I’m doing a suspense thriller or a romantic comedy or a horror movie I go back and study from the great screenwriters who tread the same ground.  I study the masterpieces in the genre I’m in to see what I can learn from them.
If I’m doing a romantic comedy I start watching great romantic comedies from days gone by – like The Goodbye Girl by Neal Simon. This is one of the most perfectly constructed screenplays ever written and it’s hilarious to boot. Or if I’m writing an action thriller I watch for the umpteenth time Lethal Weapon, which not only had great action but a great protagonist in the Mel Gibson character who had an incredible character arc that lifted this particular movie beyond the mediocre to something truly memorable.

Go down memory lane. Study the great screenplays from days gone by.  What are some of these screenplays?  Body Heat, 48 Hours, Godfather, Midnight Run, Tootsie, E.T., Casablanca, Alien(s), the Bourne movies, and more recently Dallas Buyers Club. What do they all have in common – a protagonist with a great character arc, beautiful 3-act construction, snappy clever dialogue and rhythmic narrative.
If our sights are on these masterpieces, we keep pushing ourselves to do better. We’re study the hallmarks of greatness and we get better ourselves by having great models to learn from.

Study the best screenplays you can get your hands on. Don’t just watch the movies but read the scripts. You’ll be challenged to write better and you’ll learn by osmosis what makes a great screenplay.
The more you study the great screenplays from days gone by the better you will be as a writer because you’ll keep reaching for greatness.  And if you’re like Shakespeare and Woody Allen, you just might borrow a great plot and use it for your own ends.  Shakespeare did it, why shouldn’t you?

Until – KEEP WRITING!

Hello, screenwriters. I write these posts so you can get information you wouldn’t normally  hear in your typical screenwriting workshop, screenwriting course or screenwriting class.

I have been giving a three part webinar this month on story structure. I wanted to share with you the seminal part of what I’ve been talking about.

In a nutshell: plot is not structure. This is what many of the story gurus would have you believe – like Blake Snyder in his popular book: Saving The Cat.  He would have you believe that your plot is what makes up the structure of your screenplay.

That unfortunately is not the case. The structure of any great screenplay relies on what the story is about emotionally. Let me give you an example from a film we all know and love – Godfather.

Michael Corleone starts as a patriotic, ethical young man just back from the war. He tells his girlfriend (Diane Keating) a horrible story about how his father almost killed a business associate to get what he wanted. But he assures her: “That is not me, Kate.”

The structure of the Godfather is based on Michael’s extreme character arc going from this person to the ruthless head of his crime family.

The plot is simply a means to show that growth: his father is shot and almost killed and Michael decides that the only way to keep him alive is to kill the drug dealer who arranged his assassination and the police captain who is protecting him.  That’s the plot but it’s only there to service the emotional growth of the protagonist.

So to think organically when you write screenplays, you don’t first come up with a plot, then decide what protagonist to throw into the plot. I can’t tell you how many times I see the writers in my workshops proceed exactly like this. They’re putting the horse before the cart. Your movie should first be constructed on the character and the character arc of that protagonist – then you come up with a plot to help show that emotional growth. That is thinking organically.

Always remember – a plot is just a device – it doesn’t exist for itself – it exists to service the protagonist’s character arc. And the more extreme that character arc (in the case of Godfather it’s huge) the better your story will be.  Because that in essence is what you’re truly writing about – not the plot.

The plot is a mechanical thing – the growth of the character is what takes true talent and insight. It will depend on how well you understand people and what they go through to truly change. That is not something you can follow in some kind of formula, as Blake Snyder would have you believe.

I’ll be talking about Act 3 on Tuesday at 1:00 pm.  If you haven’t joined my first two webinars it’s not too late.  You can still participate and watch all three webinars at any time as they’ll be archived for a year.  Go to: http://bit.ly/ScreenplayStructure

Until then – KEEP WRITING!